4 Essentials Before Considering Marriage

The biggest decision and commitment we can ever make is the one to marry.  It is a decision and commitment unlike any other.  It is not like choosing a job, a career, a place to live, or making a major purchase.  Marriage is a permanent and forever relationship.  It allows us to become one in heart and body with another person – a relationship that once started can never be undone.  Even though some marriages may end in divorce, those couples live the rest of their lives with the reminder of the life they were once one with.

Marriage has the potential for producing the greatest joys every possible this side of heaven.  It is the culmination of God’s creation.  After God created all, He brought man and woman together that they might experience the joy of oneness with each  other and with Him!  We later read in the New Testament that the relationship of a husband and wife is so significant that God uses it to picture the relationship He seeks with man!

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Ephesians 5:31-32

For these reasons along with so many others, it is essential that we realize when it comes to marriage, there are no “do-overs”, it is not something with which we experiment, there is no room for making a decision purely from emotion, and a decision too great to avoid or reject the counsel of parents, family, leaders, and friends.

To increase the potential for great joy in marriage, here are 4 essentials for every person to consider before they consider:

1.   Become confident of who you are in Jesus Christ apart from others

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

The greatest joy of a man or woman is in knowing who they are and what they have in Jesus Christ.  In Him, there is full forgiveness, acceptance, love, favor, rightness, removal of all guilt, hope, mercy, and so much more!  The needs of every person’s heart are met in receiving all that He is and has!  A boyfriend or girlfriend can never meet all of those needs, neither can a spouse.  We are only setting ourselves and the other person up for failure if we look to them for the deepest needs of our heart.  A young man or woman must know how to have these needs met in Jesus Christ before they ever join themselves to another.  They must be able to “leave” the ones who provide those things for them (parents or others) and know how to experience them personally with God, before they are joined to another.

2.   Have the basics of your life established first

Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.   Proverbs 24:27

Before we consider marriage, we should seek to have the basics of our life first established.  We should “prepare our work outside”. Know your educational and career direction.  Get a job, have some income.  Be able to independently provide for yourself and for the other person as well.  Marriage is filled with wonder, but it is also filled with challenge.  The transition is so great that we cannot afford to complicate by not having the basics of life first established.  In the Old Testament, soldiers were given a year off from their duty so that they might spend the time developing the relationship with their wife and adjust to the transitions that it brings.

3.  Be completely focused on doing what God is calling you to do

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

A person’s greatest individual joy will be in knowing and doing what God has called them to do.  A person’s greatest frustration will be in not knowing what God has called them to be and do.  When two people marry who both have an awareness of God’s calling and direction for their life, then there is immense joy!  If you are still waiting and looking for the “one” to come along, then know that the greatest thing you can do for yourself and them is to be passionately following what God has for your life.  As you do, He will bring the “one” alongside.  One of the ways you will know it is the “one” is that you and they will find great joy in what the two of you are doing and being! As you are waiting, pursue what God is leading you to do and don’t…

• be pressured to be someone you are not
• be pressured to do something you don’t want to do
• give in to having to change who you are and what you do for their sake

4.  Be determined to hold back your emotions & body until you have confirmation from God, parents, family, friends

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.   Song of Solomon 8:4

The desire to love and be loved in marriage is powerful.  It is a power so great and filled with such intensity that it must be kept for the day that God brings it about.  He will confirm the person and the timing in many ways.  It will come through circumstances, an inward peace, approval of parents, and confirmation from those who love you most.  Until that day, keep the treasure of your emotions and body wrapped.  Save the fullness of wonder, joy, and release for the day that is right.

The New Testament paints the beautiful picture of a groom who has gone to prepare a place for his bride.  Until that day she keeps herself pure, single-hearted, and loving waiting for the day they will be one.  That groom is Jesus.  The bride is His church.  A great marriage celebration will occur on the day that He returns.  In that day we will enjoy the reality of His love and forever be with Him!  Him in us. Us in Him. Eternal delight and joy!

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I Can Think That Way About God?

God has given us pictures in the Bible of what He is like.  He is a Father, a Shepherd, a Husband, a King, and more.  It is natural to think that the way to understand God is through our experiences with these earthly pictures.  We attempt to understand Him as a Father based on how we have seen and experienced what it means to be a father.  However, if we attempt to understand God through our experiences, we will fall short of the reality of who He really is.

Instead of looking through our lens in hopes of understanding Him, we should look through His lens in hopes of understanding our relationships.

If I attempt to understand Him through my experience with being a father, I will come short of understanding all that He is.  He is a Father who is very different than me.  He is forever patient, eternally wise, consistently loving, passionately sacrificial, and so much more.  I am not like that. 

He desires for me to know Him as the Father He is so that I might know how to be a father to my kids.  It has to work in this order and not the other way around.   

When it comes to intimacy, the same principle applies.

We cannot assume that our experience of intimacy help define how we are to experience intimacy with God.  To understand intimacy, we must first begin with knowing Him and how He intimately loves us.  As we understand His intimacy, then we arrive at a completely new understanding of how husbands and wives can experience unbelievable intimacy.

So we begin with God.

He is the source of all things.  Life flows from Him.  Love flows from Him.  These and more flow from Him with no need for anything in return.  He does not need our love in return in order to be God.  He does not need our service, obedience, or worship in order for Him to be who He is and do what He does. His love is continual, one-way, and independent of our actions.  In fact, the Scripture says that He loved us while we were still sinners and enemies.

This is very different than how we relate.

We think of intimacy as something that requires two people to give of themselves to each other.  We think of it as a 50-50 proposition.  We think that there must be give and take.  This is not the way to intimacy with God.  He needs nothing from us.

How do we experience intimacy with a God that is so radically different than us?

There is only way to respond to God – the One who has lavished His love upon us and given us more than what the mind of man could ever comprehend.  The only appropriate response to the One who has lavished us with such grace is to humbly and gratefully receive it.

The Bible calls this belief and receiving, faith.

Faith is the humble and joyful opening of all we are to receive the greatness of all that He is.  It is the response of the heart that says, “I need your forgiveness, grace, love, mercy, hope, righteousness and more to fill me!”  It is the heart that says, “I could never experience these on my own apart from You!”  It says, “I could never measure up, deserve, or earn all that you have!”

The New Testament says that we experience intimacy with God by receiving His grace through faith.

The ultimate in intimacy with God is the very personal experience of His greatness touching the reality of need.  It is His forgiveness repeatedly being received into the areas of our failures.  It is His favor excitedly being received into our times of rejection.  It is the awareness of His love tenderly touching the areas of our life where we feel unloved, not enough, and hurt.

This is intimacy with God.

The heart that unclothes itself in His presence, exposes itself unashamedly, and receives His fullness will experience unbridled intimacy, joy, and release.

Full forgiveness.

The gift of righteousness.

Made blameless.

Made without fault.

Given an inheritance.

Seated with favor at the right hand of God.

Loved forever.

Made alive.

Infused with the Spirit of God.

Having my sins remembered no more.

Lavished with every spiritual blessing.

Him in me.

I in Him.

Made one.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Ephesians 5:31-32

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Was God Mad in the Old Testament?

One of my favorite things to do is have conversation and discussion about what Jesus’ death and resurrection mean to us today.  The only thing better is when the discussion helps clear up confusion and creates greater passion for Christ!  That happened recently in a conversation I had through Facebook messenger with Jess Hays.  Here’s how it went!

Jess Hays

Before the law was given, how exactly did people relate to God. Obviously there was a need for sacrifice still. I’m not being super clear… ok, was God mad at people or did they just see God as being mad at them so they did evil things, resulting in the need for sacrifice to cleanse them?

Brian Treadaway

Great question! One that has multiple answers. In the garden before they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they related with complete openness and intimacy. No sacrifice was needed.

After they sinned, God provided a sacrifice to cover for their sins after they had tried to cover their sin on their own. While there is no command that they are to bring an offering after that, we do find that Cain and Abel both bring sacrifices. As we know, one was accepted because it was done in faith in what had already been done. Cain’s was rejected because it was not of faith in what had been done. It was in an attempt to impress God and gain his own measure of righteousness. We know what happened as a result of his wrong belief.

From Cain to Noah the Law did not exist. What did exist however was the knowledge of righteousness – not just the behavior of righteousness, but what makes someone righteous – faith! We know that Enoch was a preacher of righteousness (Jude 14-15). We also know from 2 Peter 2:5 that Noah was a preacher of righteousness as well. We know from Hebrews 11:7 that Noah believed he was an heir of righteousness. He was not righteous because of what he did, he was righteous because of what he believed!

The way that man was made right with God was by believing in what He said! (That hasn’t changed.)

Abraham was counted righteous because he believed God. It wasn’t because of anything else – no sacrifices, no requirements, no demands. He believed.
Sacrifices were offered before the Law, but none of them seem to out of duty. Instead they are out of joy for what God had done. We see that after Moses and the children of Israel cross the Red Sea.

God wanted the people to relate to Him by believing Him.

As time unfolds, God gives promises and commands. They were sometimes the result of the people’s complaining (the giving of manna for example). With their continued disbelief in His goodness, provision, direction, the time came that He gave them the Law.

It was His way of saying, “You don’t believe in My goodness for you? You want to be able to do something to make yourself pleasing? You can’t trust me for all that you need and are? Okay, here’s the prescription for perfection. Here’s what you must do!”

The situation was the same as that of the garden. The serpent suggested to Adam and Eve that something was missing. That they did not have all that they could. That they needed to do more if they wanted real closeness with God.

When God gave the Law, He gave them the requirements of perfection and the sacrifices necessary to cover them when they failed.

Fast forward to Jesus’ death and resurrection.

The Law and sacrifices were intended to bring man to the place of desperation. It was to point to their inability to measure up. It was to point to their need for someone to be a final sacrifice. More importantly it was to point to the need for not just the erasing of sin, but the gaining of righteousness. Sacrifices could be made for sin, but that could never make someone righteous. The death of Jesus accomplished far more than just forgiveness. If that was all we gained, then we would still have to keep coming back again and again to the cross for forgiveness (which is how many Christians live). God accomplished far more in Jesus.

For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us  Romans 8:3-4

The way we are to relate to God today is really not different than what He called Adam & Eve, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jeremiah, and the disciples to do.
Believe.

When Jesus was asked what was required by people to experience the blessings of God, He said in John 6:29 “This is the work of God, that you believe on Him whom He has sent.”

Jess Hays

Hmm this is interesting to me! I think I heard alot growing up that at the moment of Adam and Eve’s sin God pushed them away, wanting nothing to do with them because of dirtiness of their sin. This led to my belief that after sacrifices were made was the only time people could have intimacy with God.
I’ve been thinking lately that maybe the reason we struggle today with wanting to gain love from God through our own “sacrifices” of duty is because we have always seen God as needing that to be pleased.

In reality, before the law, sacrifices came in thankfulness, desire, and celebration. Interestingly enough, I find the more I take in the wonder of grace the more my “sacrifices” (or things I was told I was “supposed to do”) really become things I want to do because of how I believe God relates to me.

I am beginning to see a lot of completion from Adam to Jesus and how God relates to us today, it’s very exciting and interesting!

Brian Treadaway

Woohooo!!!

For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments, and His commandments are not burdensome.  I John 5:3

The idea of God “needing” sacrifices does not fit with the nature of His being! Life flows from Him. He does not need anything!If He needs them, then the power of God rests completely in our hands. That would mean that we have the ability to make Him more or less of who He is!

He is the initiator of life and all sacrifices! Only those given by faith in what He has already done are pleasing!

Cain offered in an attempt to get. Abel offered because of what was already given.

Jess Hays

How did we get that wrong for so long?!

I was always taught that Cain brought the “wrong kind” of sacrifice, meaning he brought fruit and veggies instead of a blood sacrifice and that’s why God was displeased.

How did we totally miss the point of this?!

It’s exciting to learn about things like this from the Old Testament that have affect my view of who God is. I always saw him as almost two different gods- angry OT God and happy NT God. And I would hear things like “God never changes” and it would make me believe that he was really not happy with us after all.  Knowing the heart of grace that God had even in the OT makes the God I know now so much more meaningful and it makes knowing that God never changes a really wonderful thing!

Brian Treadaway

Yes it is! The only way the OT makes sense, is to see it through the lens of the completion of the NT. The right lens leads to clarity, consistency, and truth!By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous   Hebrews 11:4

Abel’s sacrifice was accepted as this verse says because he offered it “by faith”

He believed and it was counted to him as righteousness.

Same as Abraham. Same as us.

Jess Hays

Woohoo!! This is exciting stuff!!

EVERYONE SHOULD HEAR THIS STUFF!!!!!!!!!

Brian Treadaway

Yep.  That’s what Jesus said.

For more about Jess, see her blog, “Journey Without A Destination”

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20 Things You May Be Doing in an Attempt to Make Yourself More Pleasing to God

20 things you may be doing in an attempt to make yourself more pleasing to God instead of believing that you are made pleasing by Christ

Inside the heart of every person is a desire to be favored, honored, and loved.  We want to know that we are pleasing – especially to God.  How do we please Him? We can try by our own actions to impress and appease Him or we believe by faith that He has made us pleasing through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ.  One approach fills me with determination and commitment, the other with humility and gratefulness. One makes me try harder in hopes of what I will get.  The other with love for what’s been done by Jesus.  We experience the pleasure of God when we believe in Christ.  We experience greater sorrow when we don’t.

At one time you were far away from God and were his enemies because of the evil things you did and thought. But now, by means of the physical death of his Son, God has made you his friends, in order to bring you, holy, pure, and faultless, into his presence.  Colossians 1:21-22

1.  Committing to do good things (giving, Bible study, praying, witnessing, etc.) in hopes God will be more pleased with me.

2.  Coming to God only when I feel I have been good, “close” to Him, faithful to Him, self-disciplined, etc.

3.  Expecting greater blessing from God as a reward for my faithfulness.

4.  Thinking God is more pleased with me after I have done something good for Him.

5.  Thinking I deserve greater blessings from God than others who have been less obedient than me.

6.  Thinking that being good gains me greater attention and favor from God.

7.  Trying to add enough Christian things to my life (Christian music, church, Bible verses, etc.) so that God will bless me.

8.  Measuring my righteousness and closeness to God by comparing myself to others.

9.  Thinking that before I can draw close to God and have His favor, I have to first clean up my life.

10.  Trying to become more holy by the things that I do and don’t do.

11.  Refusing to believe that full righteousness and holiness comes by faith in what Jesus accomplished.

12.  Going throughout my day trying to do more Christian things than non-Christian things.

13.  Thinking I am more pleasing to God when I am more miserable over my sin (see: “Punishing Ourselves for Our Sins”).

14.  Thinking that because of Christian things I do, I am more holy than I used to be.

15.  Thinking that Christ-likeness comes as a result of doing the things Jesus did.

16.  Thinking that more prayer, fasting, giving, witnessing, church attendance, mission trips will lead to a greater smile from God.

17.  Measuring my closeness to God by the convictions I have for or against certain things.

18.  Measuring mine and others’ closeness to God by clothing, language, political ideas, music, habits, etc.

19.  Thinking that by accomplishing certain Christian goals I can become more righteous, holy, and Christ-like.

20.  Thinking that secluding myself away from the world, temptations, and ungodliness that I become more righteous.

THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE RIGHTEOUSNESS: JESUS!

The list is one of two presented at a recent service of Encounter Church.

For an audio message related to the list, click here.

Click here for the related list “Are you Punishing Yourself?”

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20 Ways You May Be Trying to Punish Yourself for Your Failures

20 things you may be doing in an attempt to punish yourself for your failures instead of believing in Christ’s punishment for your sins

Inside the heart of every person is the awareness of failure. That awareness lays heavy on the soul.  Like a question that begs for an answer, failure begs for some kind of resolve. Someone must pay for what’s been done.  If others hurt us, we want them to be punished.  If we fail, we want to punish ourselves.  God sent His Son Jesus Christ so that we could be free from that weight, guilt, and the need to punish ourselves.  Receiving that level of freedom and forgiveness is humbling; so humbling that we resist it.  We find it easier on the soul to punish ourselves instead of believing that the full punishment for our sin was taken by Jesus Christ.  

But He endured the suffering that should have been ours, the pain that we should have borne. All the while we thought that His suffering was punishment sent by God. But because of our sins He was wounded, beaten because of the evil we did. We are healed by the punishment He suffered, made whole by the blows He received.   Isaiah 53:4-5

1.  Putting myself down: “I can’t do anything right.” “I’m a loser.” “I’m such a ____________________.”

2.  Not allowing myself to draw close to God until I first feel miserable enough, broken enough, sorry enough, etc.

3.  Making myself endure harsh self-discipline, pain, cutting, etc. because of my sins or weaknesses.

4.  Over-exercising.

5.  Replaying my past failures, weaknesses, and faults in my mind and listening to a commentary of failure played over them.

6.  Agreeing with accusations about my sinfulness and inability to be loved, clean, and forgiven.

7.  Thinking I am incapable of being loved, accepted, forgiven, and made righteous.

8.  Forcing myself to be involved in spiritual activities as a way of disciplining or punishing myself.

9.  Saying and believing, “I cannot forgive myself.”

10.  Continually beating myself up over my lack of discipline, lack of righteousness, lack of giving, or lack of love for God.

11.  Saying negative things about myself to others to further punish myself.

12.  Believing negative things that others say about me instead of what God says about who I am because of Christ.

13.  Refusing to let myself be loved, at peace, have joy because I don’t feel deserving enough.

14.  Choosing to remain under guilt, anger, resentment, and  discouragement because it is what I deserve.

15.  Isolating myself from others because I don’t feel worthy enough to be comfortable with them, accepted by them, or happy.

16.  Treating myself harshly through overeating, alcohol, drugs, smoking, abuse, etc.

17.  Not believing God looks at me with eyes of grace, love, mercy, and acceptance.

18.  Not believing God has forgiven every one of my sins and makes me blameless.

19.  Not believing I am made as righteous as Christ by faith and apart from my efforts.

20.  Not coming confidently to God’s throne of grace because I feel I don’t deserve it.

 

The list is one of two presented at a recent service of Encounter Church.  For an audio message related to the list, click here.

 

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4 Ways to Curb Your Appetites

Vertical Living

Appetite comes from deep inside.  It’s the signal from our body that there is hunger and need.  The curious reality is that there is physical hunger and there is soul hunger.  From time to time I feel the physical hunger for steak. Sometimes I want pizza and sometimes I want Mexican food.  Appetite speaks clearly to tell me what would really be good at that moment.

The appetites of the soul speak with the same kind of specifics.  The soul hungers for things deeper within.  From time to time it craves to be noticed, to be forgiven, to be accepted, for peace, to be understood, and for things to be right.  The hunger for these show up in my life at various times.  They come alive when I am alone, when I have failed, when I feel distant, when I am afraid.  My soul appetite speaks clearly to tell me…

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4 Ways to Curb Your Appetites

Appetite comes from deep inside.  It’s the signal from our body that there is hunger and need.  The curious reality is that there is physical hunger and there is soul hunger.  From time to time I feel the physical hunger for steak. Sometimes I want pizza and sometimes I want Mexican food.  Appetite speaks clearly to tell me what would really be good at that moment.

The appetites of the soul speak with the same kind of specifics.  The soul hungers for things deeper within.  From time to time it craves to be noticed, to be forgiven, to be accepted, for peace, to be understood, and for things to be right.  The hunger for these show up in my life at various times.  They come alive when I am alone, when I have failed, when I feel distant, when I am afraid.  My soul appetite speaks clearly to tell me what would really be good at that moment.

It is at this point that things get really interesting.

There is a definite connection between the hungers of the soul and the hungers of my body.  When the hungers of my soul are not truly satisfied, the hungers in my body are ignited.  When I feel alone, afraid, unaccepted, defeated, I want to turn to something physical hoping it will make me feel better.

And it often works.

At least it works for a while.

Then I want more.

More of what seems to make it better.

The Scriptures describe these two appetites.  In a conversation with some Jewish people about their ancestors, they talked with Jesus about the time God provided bread for them miraculously from heaven.

Our fathers ate the manna in the desert, as it is written, “He gave them bread from Heaven to eat.”  John 6:31

It was physical bread to be eaten and enjoyed.

It was for the body.

Jesus continued the conversation with them and described a different bread, one that was for the soul and all that it hungered for in acceptance, love, forgiveness, peace, hope, understanding, intimacy, and so much more.

And Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life. John 6:35a

Jesus described Himself as bread – food that was eaten daily to bring health, life, and joy.

Without even taking a breath, Jesus makes a startling statement about the effect of taking in all that He is.

He who comes to Me shall never hunger…  John 6:35b

Those who run to Him when their soul appetite rages for something that no physical appetite can touch, experience something unusual.  They experience satisfaction – complete satisfaction of the soul.

They have found the place to eat that brings an end to their craving for attention, relief, hope, acceptance, peace, understanding, and intimacy.  All that the soul longs for is met in Jesus.  He gives Himself fully and freely to those who come to Him with their soul hunger.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matthew 5:6

When the soul is unsatisfied, it cries out for food, drink, drunkenness, lust, greed, and fighting.  It screams out, “I must have it!”  Patience, self-control, and wisdom leave.  Demand takes over. The soul demands to be satisfied.  Its hunger is so great that it takes over physical hunger and makes it its slave. “I must eat.  I must drink.  I must have this drug. I must lust. I must gorge myself.”

As a nation, we are seeing the effects of out of control appetites. The appetites of the body however are not the problem.  How do we begin to experience control over our physical appetites?

1.  Learn to recognize the appetites of your soul

You know what it’s like to hunger for Mexican food or for a juicy steak.  Do you know how to recognize the appetites of your soul?  Learn to recognize the hunger for attention, acceptance, peace, friends, love, understanding, etc.  This may not be an easy process.  It may require some time.  It may require writing down your thoughts.  As you recognize loneliness, sadness, depression, fear, discouragement, you’ll be ready for the next step.

2.  See how your physical appetite is related to the appetites of your soul

With some observation, you may begin to notice how the appetites of your soul and your physical appetites are connected.  This again may require some time and writing to begin to match the two.  Keep in mind that physical appetites include food, alcohol, sex, and affection.

3.  Look to Jesus for the appetites of your soul

Jesus said that He was the bread of life and that those who come to Him will never hunger.  Instead they will be satisfied.  He offers all that the soul longs for.  He offers understanding, forgiveness, peace, love, the gift of righteousness, acceptance, hope, grace, mercy, and so much more!  More wondrous is the fact that He offers them without them having to be earned.  He gives them freely to those who will come, eat, and enjoy.  Those who hunger and come to humbly enjoy will experience ultimate satisfaction.

4.  Return again when your soul hungers

Many assume that because they have already received Jesus that they shouldn’t have hunger in their soul. Our soul will always hunger because there will be times that we fail, fall, are weak, are lonely, etc.  In every one of those moments we can return to Jesus and find soul satisfaction.  The day we first received Jesus was only the beginning.  On that day we learned how our soul is fed.  We learned how we find satisfaction.  And Jesus invites to return to eat of all that He has prepared.  He invites us to eat and enjoy!

As we understand our real hungers and learn to eat daily from the peace, acceptance, understanding, grace, and favor that is in Christ, we will experience soul satisfaction.  We will also begin to see our physical appetites diminish. We are invited to a lavish table filled with the most wondrous foods for the soul.  Let us eat freely from all that He has and find ourselves satisfied!

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9 Dangers of Living with Guilt – part 2

 

Guilt does not want you to be free.  Guilt keeps you focused on your failure, your weakness, where you don’t measure up, and where you’ll never be good enough.  Guilt creates on obsession with self that enslaves and brings even greater disappointment and heartache.

In part 1 of the blog, “9 Dangers of Living With Guilt”, we looked at the first 4 dangers of living with guilt.  Today we look at the remaining 5.  As we do, we stand at the cross of Jesus Christ and marvel as it shows us that God never intended for us to live with guilt.  

5.      Guilt will make you miserable

Guilt brings pain.  It has no power to bring about life, love, and freedom.  Guilt looks away from the cross and drives me inward with despair.

In a very personal moment of writing, the great leader of faith in the New Testament writes about his struggles with guilt.  The more he focused on always trying to do the right thing and avoid doing the wrong thing, the more misery it brought.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Romans 7:15 & 24

This is not how Jesus intended us to live!  This is not a commentary on life with Him!  This is a description of what life is like when we live under the guilt of having to do good before we can have the favor of God!

It wasn’t the end of the story.

Paul goes on to describe the release that he experienced because of the full forgiveness and acceptance from Jesus.

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!  Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…   For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.  Romans 7:25 & 8:1, 3-4a

That is the commentary of life with Jesus!  No condemnation!  No guilt!  All is paid!  All is forgiven!  The end of misery!  The beginning of real life!

6.      Guilt will cause you to misunderstand the voice of God

God’s voice always points to His Son.  The Holy Spirit brings glory to the Son.  They direct all to what happened at the cross.  They point to forgiveness, love, and peace there.

But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me.  John 15:26

There is another voice that speaks to the soul.  It is a voice that attempts to mimic the voice of God.  That voice wants you to believe that when he speaks that you are hearing from God.  And he is good at what he does.  The difference however is that he speaks with accusation.  He points out your failure with no hope.  He reminds you of what you’ve done wrong.   The final book in Scripture tells us about him.

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.  They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony   Revelation 12:10-11a

Accuser is his name.

With accusation comes guilt, shame, the need to punish, the weight of not being good enough.  This is not the voice of God.  The voice of God speaks with the tone of the cross.  Where there is sin there is grace.  Where there is great sin, there is even greater grace.

The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Romans 5:20-21

It takes time to learn to distinguish the two voices.  We must learn the difference.  The Father speaks and it leads to life!  The Accuser speaks and it leads to despair.

7.      Guilt will affect how you relate to others

Those who live with the weight of guilt in their life will pass their frustration on to others.  Because they live under pressure, expectation, demands, guilt, fear, and intimidation, they soon find themselves unknowingly relating to others in the same way.

• They measure what’s done for them vs. what they do for others.
• They are easily hurt and disappointed at what others have not done for them.
• They push others away with their demands and obsession with attention.
• They find it difficult to give when others are giving to them.
• They feel a need to point out others failures.

8.      Guilt will make its slave

Guilt can never make you free.  Guilt makes you look for ways to feel worse.  Guilt seeks out others who will remind you of your failure, your faults, and what you ought to be doing.  Guilt leads to more guilt.

In a very sad narrative, the second letter to the church leader Timothy describes some women who are consumed with guilt.  As a result of carrying around guilt they are gullible and susceptible to people who will take advantage of them.  Guilt so enslaves them that even though they look for ways to be closer to God they only find themselves further away.  They never arrive at the truth of what Jesus did for them to enjoy – complete forgiveness.  Guilt never lets you out of its hold.  Guilt reminds you of your inability and failure.  Guilt keeps you enslaved.

For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.  2 Timothy 3:6-7

9.      Guilt will keep you enslaved in habits

Guilt does not want you to be free.  Guilt has no power to make you free.  The way to freedom over destructive thoughts, actions, and habits has to come through something bigger than guilt.  That power comes to us when we experience the grace of God!  As we discover the depth of God’s love for us, the immensity of the forgiveness we have received, and the treasure of being made righteous by Christ, we have a new life force unlocked in us.

Guilt wants more guilt. God wants us to be free.

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin  Romans 6:6

We gain freedom over every habit as we see ourselves as one with Jesus:

• loved like He is loved by the Father
• treasured like He is treasured by the Father
• accepted like He is accepted by the Father
• favored like He is favored by the Father
• righteous like the Father sees Him

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6:11

We are invited to walk about with great freedom in the wonder of Jesus Christ.  The more we walk about in the vast, lavish treasure of Him the more we find ourselves free from giving in to sin.

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  Galatians 5:16

Guilt will not want you to believe these truths.  Guilt will tell you these cannot be true.  Guilt will not want you to be free from guilt.  The greatest thing you can do today is believe; believe in what Jesus did for you; believe in who Jesus is in you; believe in who you are in Jesus.

Shut out the voice of guilt in your life.

Hear the voice of the Father!

You are free!

Other Blogs:

9 Dangers of Living With Guilt – Part 1

How To Defeat the Monster of You’re Not Doing Enough

5 Destructive Ways of Relating in Your Marriage

 

Our Church:

Encounter

 

Other:

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9 Dangers of Living with Guilt – part 1

 

God never intended that we live under the weight of guilt.  It is the great deceptive tool of the enemy to weigh the heart down with thoughts of “you’re not doing enough”, “you have failed too much to be favored by God”, “you owe God more”, and “you can’t be blessed until you clean up your life.” Sadly, many Christians carry around this weight assuming it is right and actually from God.

The cross of Jesus Christ stands forever as the clearest picture that God never intends for us to live with guilt.  Today, we take a look at 8 dangers of carrying the weight of guilt in our life.

1.      Guilt will cause you to live in continual awareness of your failures

Guilt focuses on failure. It is not concerned with love, acceptance, or forgiveness.  It points at a standard, then points at how we missed it. Guilt turns our focus to what we’ve done wrong, what we should not have done, what we should have done, what we need to make sure we don’t do today, what we need to make sure we do today, etc.

This is not the kind of life that Jesus died for!  The Law of God revealed the ultimate standard.  When we see the Law we see our inability and failure.  We see our sin and we experience guilt.

The beauty of the story of God is that Jesus came to fulfill the Law and take our guilt upon Himself!  Those who think they have to continually do something to pay for, sacrifice for, or make themselves feel bad enough about their sin live in a constant awareness of failure and as a result, guilt.  Jesus’ death was final payment.  No more sacrifices are needed.  No more payment has to be made.  We can believe and receive that we are cleansed for all time!  We no longer have to carry and experience guilt!

The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.  Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.  Hebrews 10:1-2

2.      Guilt will make you think you have to pay for your failures

Guilt is a heart and mind conclusion that says something must be done to pay for our failure.  Most people don’t have to be convinced that they have failed.  Where people struggle is in believing that their failures have been paid for by Jesus and that God is no longer angry with them.  When we don’t believe in Jesus’ payment for our sin, then we feel like we must somehow make ourselves pay.  People go about this in many different ways: self-put-downs, extreme treatment of their bodies (exercise for example), binge eating, cutting, and for some suicide.

God never intended that we would have to carry the weight and responsibility for our sin.  We are incapable of relieving ourselves of that burden.  The wonder of Jesus is that He took all of our sins upon Himself so that we would not have to pay for them.

But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins.  1 John 3:5a

3.      Guilt will make you selfish

Guilt draws my attention to me.  Guilt makes me obsess over what I need to do, should not have done, had better not do, etc.  Guilt makes me focus on me.  When I am focused on what I “ought” to do and “ought not to do”, I have no ability to see the needs of others, be patient, be gentle, be loving, be sacrificial, or serve others.

My best actions toward others are out of obligation, requirement, responsibility, and duty.  I do because of my guilt.

The beauty of the New Testament message is that God has shown us His full favor (grace) and that we can experience it by believing it is ours (by faith).  He has caused the requirements and standards of perfection to be met in us!  When we believe, we no longer have to carry the weight of guilt or the demands to have to be righteous enough to have His favor!

For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us  Romans 8:3-4a

When it becomes a personal reality in us, it completely inverts our heart!  It frees us from the obsession over our faults and creates a new obsession with what Jesus has done for us!  It ignites love within us for God and others!  Guilt ignites selfishness.  Faith ignites love!

4.      Guilt will cause you to miss the wonder of Jesus

Guilt blinds.  Because it is focused on failure and what I must do to get rid of my guilt, I become blind to the wonder of what Jesus accomplished on the cross. The cross happened so that we might see it when we sin.  Not that we would see it and feel greater shame, guilt, or need to have to repay.  The cross happened so that with every sin we might by humbled and overwhelmed at the lavishness of forgiveness that happened there.

Jesus’ message was that sinners could know forgiveness, acceptance, and the gift of righteousness.  His message was freedom from guilt, performance, the need to make our own righteousness, the need to have to live under the weight of our failures, the need to have to beat ourselves up for our sin.

Many Christians spend their entire lives unable to believe in the fullness of the cross.  They live under the weight of trying to do better.  They think greater blessing awaits them on the other side of their ability to not sin again.  They believe God is withholding from them, is out to teach them a lesson, and is continually disappointed with them.

They live blind.

Peter, a man acquainted with the feelings of guilt and failure writes in the New Testament about the joy of knowing the fullness of Jesus’ forgiveness and righteousness.  He says that those who live believing in His lavish gift will experience even greater wonders in knowing Him.  Those who don’t however will live blind and in guilt.

Because they feel it is their responsibility to beat themselves up over their sin and make themselves do better, they live blinded by guilt.

For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.  2 Peter 1:8-9

Live believing today!  Live humbled by the overwhelming gift you have been given!  Listen carefully to the voices that speak to you in your heart!  The One that speaks love, forgiveness, acceptance, and intimacy is God!  The one that accuses, condemns, and points at your failure is not!

Tomorrow we continue with the remaining 5 dangers of living with guilt!

Related blogs:

Excuses

6 Things That May Show You Really Don’t Believe God Has Forgiven You

The Fear of Being Free

Our church:

Encounter

Other:

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Excuses

What keeps you from enjoying the lavish favor of God?  

I’m not talking about what keeps you from going to church every week or obeying the 10 commandments.  I’m talking about the freedom to completely bask in the wonder of God’s love, favor, and blessings for you.

Maybe you have your reasons.

Maybe there’s a love bigger than your reasons.

For perspective, we join Jesus while He is at a dinner party with some overly self-righteous folks.   They have invited Jesus to the feast to somehow disprove all that He says He is.  They have a hard time with Him being the fullness of God’s favor.  They don’t believe favor can just be given to people – especially those who aren’t trying as hard as they are.  They have their excuses for not believing in Him as the favor of God.

As a quietness falls over the room, Jesus tells a story about a man who prepared a very large and elaborate feast.  When the meal was complete and all things were ready, he sent his servant out to invite a very specific group.  As the servant came in contact with them a strange thing happened.  They all began to make excuses for why they could not come to the feast!

One said he had bought a field and had to go inspect it.

One said he had brought 5 yoke of oxen and he had to go test them.

One said he had just been married.

There were no requirements to come to the feast.  There were no conditions.  The group was simply invited to come, sit at the table, and enjoy the lavish feast prepared by the man.

It would seem that each of people would appreciate and enjoy a lavish feast!

If you had just bought a field, you could benefit from a free lavish feast.

If you had just bought 5 yoke of oxen, you could benefit from a free lavish feast.

If you had just gotten married, you and your wife could benefit from a free lavish feast.

Yet each of those invited had an excuse for not attending.  Their excuses have one thing in common.  They all in affect were saying, “I have something else I must do first.”

So it was with the Pharisees in Jesus’ day.  They could not accept the lavish feast that was found for them in Jesus.  There in front of them was the fullness of God’s love, acceptance, forgiveness, and righteousness.  There were invited to freely receive Him as a lavish feast.  Yet they, like the ones in the story had excuses.

“First we have to…”

Before we can enjoy the Kingdom, sit down at the table of God, enjoy the favor of God, we have to first:

Know the law.

Keep the law.

Be disciplined.

Tithe.

Offer sacrifices.

The invitation and feast was before them.  Their excuses and refusal to believe in the feast of Jesus would not allow them to come to the table.

Before we look down with a condescending glance at these law-keepers, let us be aware of ways that we make excuses.  The radical nature of grace by faith says that we too have been invited to the feast of favor at the Father’s right hand.  He invites us to come by faith and to set aside our own attempts at thinking we have things we have to do first.  At His table is the lavish meal of complete forgiveness, unending love, full acceptance, deep intimacy, and perfect righteousness.  Do you accept the invitation to come to the table or do you find yourself thinking there are things you have to do first?

Do you think you first have to…

• Remind yourself of all the ways you don’t measure up.
• Punish yourself for your past failures (self-insults, harsh self-discipline, cutting, drunkenness, overeating, not eating, damaging habits, forced involvement in church activities, forced involvement in spiritual activities, etc.)
• Make sure you are disciplined enough.
• Clean up your act.
• Do enough good things.
• Make yourself worthy of being loved.

These are just some of the ways that we refuse to accept the invitation to the lavish meal until we have first fulfilled our responsibilities – our part.

The wonder of God’s love is that He loves sinners.  He loves us while we are still resisting Him.  He loves like this so that we will know there is nothing that has to be done first before we can know His favor. He has fulfilled the responsibilities.  He has made all of the preparations.  He has made the meal.  All things are now ready!

Our part is to accept the invitation.

Not just once.

Accept the invitation every day; every time we fail; every time we sin; every time we drift.

There is nothing that you first must do.

Come.

All things are now ready.

Enjoy.

 

For related stories, check out:

Compelled to a Feast – audio message

Can Your Gospel Do This? – blog

Grace is Not Overlooking Sin – blog

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