As a father of three girls, my wife and I talk a lot about the kind of men we would love for them to one day marry. We have those same conversations with the girls from time to time. God has created man and woman with some innate desires that can be met with great thrill in a marriage relationship. Knowing something about those desires, then having the patience to wait for the right one and time can bring greater joy to marriage.
Within every woman is hardwired a desire to want to be treasured, adored, protected, provided for, and lavished with love. Also within every woman is a desire to admire. She wants to look up to, trust, and deeply appreciate her love. The need to have a man she can admire is far deeper than her need for the need for him to be cute, handsome, rich, popular, talented, or successful. Admiration comes from the center of her heart. It ignites her heart with longing, affection, and passion.
Scripture has taught this concept for generations. It is at the core of what fuels a wife’s connection to her husband.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great—but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33
Girls considering a date and mate should consider their desire to admire when looking for a young man. The “right” one will be the one that causes her to overflow with not just casual appreciation but deep admiration. That admiration should come alive for these 10 areas:
His ability to discipline himself and work hard
Proverbs 25:28 says that a man without self-control is like a city that is broken down and without walls. Look for a man that prioritizes his life, manages his money, and guards his words. Look for a man who is not captive to his hobbies, pleasure, or games. Watch for a man you admire for his ability to discipline himself out of love for God and others.
His thoughtfulness for you
This one can be deceiving, because most guys will be thoughtful while they are dating. Look for the one who is consistently kind, selfless, and thoughtful. Does he ask for your opinion? Does he know your interests? Does he go out of his way to lavish you with kindness?
Where he finds his identity
Every man finds their identity somewhere. It is often in their accomplishments. Look for more than just the guy who is wrapped up in his work, his hobbies, or his latest victory on xbox. Wait for the man that finds his identity in who he is in Christ. How he sees himself will drive how he lives and how he relates.
His humility and transparency
The greatest quality a man can have is humility. Without humility, he opens himself to the destruction of pride, arrogance, anger, and selfishness. Wait for the man that you admire for his ability to be transparent, humble, honest, and sincere. Find the man who will take off his mask and you’ll find a warrior who is also a tender lover.
How he relates to God
At the core of a man is his view of God and his understanding of how God sees him. Wait for the man that stirs you because of his passion for Christ. Seek the man who understands the grace that he has received. Look for the one who responds to grace with deep faith. This one above all should be a non-negotiable for women!
His understanding of God’s ways and Scripture
How a man sees God will be seen in his passion for and understanding of Scripture. Look for a man you admire for what he knows and seeks to know about God. This is the man you want to lead, respect, and admire – wait for this!
His relationship with his mom
If you want a glimpse into how a man will someday treat you, watch how he relates to his mom! Watch how he speaks to her. Listen to what he says about her when he’s away from her.
His ability to make you laugh
Life and marriage are filled with challenges. You need someone at your side that can make you laugh and help you in the midst of stress. Wait for the one who knows how to make you laugh so hard that it hurts!
His passion to be active as part of a church
One of the other ways you’ll know a man’s relationship to God is his desire to be active with other believers. Do you admire how he connects with others, serves others, seeks to encourage others, learns from others, grows with others in the family of faith?
How he demonstrates grace for others
A man who is overflowing with love in his heart from God will show that love to others. He will forgive, show mercy, give underserved favor, and demonstrate love. If he can do it with others, he’ll know how to show it to you when you need it. Are you amazed at his grace for others?
His ability to inspire and encourage you
As a potential husband, you’ll want to know that this man will be the one to lead, inspire, motivate, and encourage you. Do you admire his ability to be this kind of man for you? Does he speak to the center of who you are in Christ? Does he inspire you with greatness? Does he ignite appreciation, gratefulness, and a sense of awe in you?
Girls! Follow the trail of admiration for all of these areas! Wait for the one that stirs them all! Don’t settle for cute. Don’t buy into the hope that one day he’ll develop these. Look for them in him now! The wait will be worth it!