9 Marks of a Grace-Driven Husband

There is a desperate need today for a new generation of husband. The land is crying out for a new breed of husband who will lead and love from the power of grace.  God has shown the prototype for this new man through the life of His Son.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:25-33   New International Version

What Jesus did as the expression of grace from God is the model for every husband.  Because of Christ’s unfathomable accomplishment through the cross, we are made holy and pleasing to the Father.  We, the undeserving and sinful, are forgiven and made holy by Christ.  By accepting this love by faith, we are free from having to impress, appease, or fear God.  Instead we are free to rest in Him, celebrate Him, and love Him!  This is the wonder of grace!  This is what Christ did as Groom for us, his bride.  This is what grace-driven husbands do for their wives.  The new breed of husband will live and love from what He has experienced in Christ.  He will be a grace-driven man that loves like this:

  • He lavishes her with the overwhelming overflow of grace he is receiving.  

Genuine love can only happen as overflow from our life.  That kind of love is selfless and sacrificial.  Any action that is done in order to get something is not love.  The grace-driven husband is experiencing that kind of love from God.  He is free from his own guilt and pressure to have to perform to appease God.  As a result of his great joy in receiving that love, he is able to have it overflow from him to his wife.

  • He loves in a one way direction with no expectation of return.

One-way love is the passion of the grace-driven husband. One-way love flows outwardly with no demand for response. Because the grace-driven husband loves from overflow, he is able to love with no expectation of return.  His joy has already been fulfilled by what he has received from God.  Now love is able to leave from him in a one-way direction.  He can love even if it is rejected.  He can even if it is not recognized.  He can love even when it demands sacrifice.

  • He takes great joy in sacrificing, laying down his rights, setting aside his preferences so that she might know how deeply she is loved.

The grace-driven husband knows that what filled him was the one-way love from God. He longs for his wife to experience that same love from him and from God. As a result, he finds great delight in rearranging his life, humbling himself, sacrificing his preferences so that his wife might experience that love.  His passion is for her to know how deeply she is loved and set free in his love and the love of the Father.

  • He consistently reminds her of the oneness, acceptance, tenderness, love, and forgiveness that is hers with him.

The grace-driven husband is purposeful about reassuring his wife.  He knows her struggles, fears, weaknesses, and faults.  Instead of anger, condemnation, and criticism, he reminds her that in him there is complete forgiveness, freedom, and oneness – no matter what has happened.

  • He reminds her of how greatly she is loved, accepted, forgiven, treasured, and made perfect by Christ.

Every follower of Christ needs reminders of the forgiveness and righteousness that is theirs because of Him.  The grace-driven husband knows that beyond his wife experiencing his love, she is made complete when she experiences the depth of God’s love for her.  He is determined to help her experience the fullness of freedom in Christ at the core of her being – at the place of her questions, doubts, fears, hurts, and failures. This becomes his all-consuming direction, passion, and determination.

  • He creates an environment of trust, acceptance, favor, forgiveness, and intimacy

In our walk with Christ we have to be reminded that we free to come boldly to the throne of grace.  We have to be reminded that we are forgiven, free, and without fault.  We have to be reminded of the intimacy that He has created for us.  Grace-driven husbands initiate and create that kind of environment for their wives.  They create spaces where their wives are free to talk, open their heart, be heard, and to be loved.

  • He is driven to rescue her from the enslaving voices, and thoughts of comparison, condemnation, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and rejection.

Jesus said that He had come to set the captives free.  Those captives were enslaved with voices of guilt, shame, comparison, rules, comparison, and judgment.  They were the ones who thought they could never be loved by God and accepted.  Jesus had come to set them free from these condemning voices!  The grace-driven husband seeks to help his wife be free from those same enslaving voices.  Many husbands do not realize how deeply their wives struggle with these voices.  They cry out to women from media, the world, and from inside the heart of every woman.  What can free them is the heroic husband who will overwhelm the voices with their words and actions of love, assurance, acceptance, and grace!

  • Instead of her weaknesses and faults, he sees her as forgiven, free, and loved.

The glory of Jesus’ work is that He presents us to Himself without spot, wrinkle, or blemish.  He removes our sin, guilt, and shame.  If we hold on to them, they age us.  They disfigure us.  He not only forgives, but He makes us without fault or blemish.  He makes us beautiful!  The grace-driven husband does the same for his wife.  He forgives her faults before they happen.  He makes right what has been wrong.  He removes what ages and disfigures.  He brings beauty!

  • He avoids words, actions, and attitudes that keep her heart from being free.

Because the grace-driven husband knows the heart of his wife; because he knows its frailty, wonder, and beauty, he is careful in how he speaks to her.  He speaks with words and tone that will reassure and give hope.  He avoids words and tones that belittle, insult, and hurt.  He avoids sarcasm, criticism, and words that hurt.  He knows that above all he must help his wife be free.  The grace-driven husband guards all that he says not as a set of rules to keep or in hopes of getting something in return.  He guards what he says out of love for his wife.  He guards and protects that she might live free!

Find out what a Grace-Driven Wife looks like here: Grace-Driven Wife


7 responses to “9 Marks of a Grace-Driven Husband

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